Broke..

There's something not quite right you know.. Well after I broke my LG KU990, I borrowed my dads phone; a chunky V3x. I bought a new Nokia 2630. It's nice and stylish and it's so thin. 9.9mm.

After only owning it for about 10 hours, I broke the Nokia. The screen snapped while I was out at a birthday party. Mortified, I went to the Carphone Warehouse the next day telling them I received this phone broke and they simply exchanged it right there and then. So, I still own a Nokia 2630 but for how long? - How many phones do I need to go through?

There's no point in getting insurance for any phone, I'll only be paying out a shit load in the long run because I break them all-the-time. While I was out in town exchanging my phone, I went and got my ear lobe re-pierced. I've got a 'bling' diamond earring that's going there when it's ready. I used to have it in the top of my ear but it went a little bit manky and I've damaged it somehow. Anywho, when I was getting it pierced, she shot the gun and somehow it locked and it wouldn't release my ear from the gun. Well, a bit of tugging did the trick. Pop.. It releases my ear.

I've got people lined up (yes lined up) to show me a good time in Leeds and Derby. It's a shame I won't get to see some of the Leeds folk before I go to Derby, but I'm using what I've got left in days to rest.

I really, really deserve it!

You're fired! Merry Christmas!

It's official, I got 'let off' and my boss said he never wanted to see me again after the Christmas holidays. All I have to do is work my holiday days from home, which is three days and never come back. I get paid until the 11th January.

Can't say fairer than that. It gives me time to do things while I wait to move to Derby. Sure, It's probably going to kill me doing nothing but Ill find a way to keep myself busy this Christmas and New Year.

I've moved out from my Leeds flat and moved all my shit to my parents' house. Now I have to shift through everything and separate what's coming with me when I move again and what's going to that Sunday boot-sale. A PC and a mini-fridge are going to the boot-sale so far.

I broke my phone again and kinda lost all my contacts. I got alot of text messages today and they all were from random numbers. I can't be arsed to find out who they were from, so I'm just ignoring them. I'm Scrooge.

Overdrafted

December! The time of spending and giving, and all that other hoo-haa! This month, I'm officially, overdrafted. Yup, that's right. Into the overdraft by a smudge and I can't fall deeper. Falling deeper into my overdraft means I'll have no idea where my cash flow is-at at the end of December; and me going back to University really doesn't need more debt!

Work's shit. I feel like everyone has some grudge that I'm leaving. It's life. I just wish they knew it. I lost my £600 bonus and it wasn't my fault. At first, my bonus of £600 was cut to £300 or an extra 24 hours developing. One developer said 'yes' to cutting our bonuses by 50% -- basically the boss takes his word for things. I got the impression the other developer was just as disappointed as me that he said yes (there's three developers). So, I kind of snapped and told him "What the fuck are you wasting your time on?" -- just not in those words. His facial expression slipped and he went white. His response had attitude.

On that evening my bonus got cut by 50%, I went home on time, rather than dong overtime I don't get paid for and told the other developers whatever tasks they had given to me, I'll do the next day. Rising to the occasion, the next day I'm in at 8am, like most days. By 9am, I get a text from one developer telling me he'll be an hour late. The other developer is taking a driving test and would be in later. It hits about 1pm and the developer that said he'd be there in an hour, arrived. At that point I was very pissed. The fact that half a day was wasted.

Near the end of the day arrives and during that time, one developer took credit for a program I found. Basically a benchmarking tool. Now, him wooing the boss with it, it shows us that the development they built (yes, I only joined the project near the end, I had to develop an entire travel website using Ajax -- which is doing very, very well.) is slower than the current. The boss, being the boss, slapped us all with "it's not going live if it's slower". Yet again, two out of three developers disagreed and believed it was faster. Much faster. Yet, the boss taking the other developers opinion, won. It's nearing the end of the day and at about 7:15pm, I ask the developers what's happening and will we be able to do this. No was their answer and quickly followed by a prompt "you've got tasks to do", I replied with "they're on my to-do list for tomorrow, bye!".

You can imagine how pissed I was that my bonus got cut by 50%, then the developers are all late, by half a day and finally decide they've lost my bonus. What better way to solve my anger then go on a complete binge in town?!

The next day, no alarms went off and I awoke at 9:30am. Already 30 minutes late for work. I gave a little text to one of the developers and told them I would be late and I'll be in soon. Happily strolling around my house not really caring for work, I wasted time waking up, putting on my face and getting some paracetamol down me. I get to work about 11am and no one says nothing. Good thing too, because if they did, I would challenge everything that happened this December.

It's a crappy workplace now. Devious, stress-heads and "know-it-alls". I don't have time for such places and I'm really happy to be moving. Possibly not to Derby, but actually leaving my job. Who knows what will happen now. I'm invited to a Christmas doo at work, but I don't think I will be attending. Not if things go on like this.

Fuckers.

It's happening, it's really happening..

I've handed in my notice at my well paid job, I've sent off my student loan application and I've been accepted into University of Derby on the Marketing Management course starting in January.

What a month it's been. Since I last took my trip down to Derby I've met a few more people, slept with them all and decided to move cities, again. What's funny is the fact I'm headed back to Derby, but really, it's logical and nothing more. I hope.

Instead of waiting until next September to try out a PR and Marketing course elsewhere I thought I would rush ahead and try it out in Derby, in January. I'm not really in the mood for anyone down there, they're only going to drag me down. My plans are to get with a few trusted friends, (one of which is lending me his sofa as a backup plan in case I can't find a place) ignore the rest, or make sure they know I want nothing to do with them, block out some minor "friends" for a while and find some new ones (which won't happen! I'll have to shag them first), and new fuck buddies. I'm really quite excited. About it all as well.

I'll be selling my BMW, getting a nice cheque for my crashed car (if the witness is on my side) and buying another crappy car for insurance reasons. I pay £180 a month for my BMW right now. I will need something cheaper. I can't wait though. I'll get a big loan and two nice payments which will keep me in peace of mind that I always have a nice balance.

I was thinking though, even though work's a stress, I'll miss it. I leave on the 11th of January. Two employees have just gone on holiday so I'll only see the for two weeks'ish when they return since it's Christmas and things.

There's a work party/Christmas 'do to go to, which I feel a bit strange of going, but like a colleague said to me, I've been there 7 months and done significant and fantastic things. I deserve the credit and a seat at the 'do. Fuck them if they try make me feel bad for leaving.

I'm going to be leaving a few people behind as well, it's hard for me. I see people in different forms. Just recently my friend, Joel and I hooked up. Last time it happened we just met and ever since I stopped it from happening, but one night I just met him for a drink after work at the restaurant where he works and I saw him in a different light. I let myself slip. I know I shouldn't of, because he's my party person. We just got a bit more than Monday night partying and that's where it went wrong. He still owes me a fully cooked dinner since he's never cooked, yet he's a pro. chef; but that could be a bad idea.

Then there's Rob, who I met online I think. Ever since we shagged (again and again) he's been hooked on me. He'd call me when he's drunk and he seems mortified that I'm leaving. He thinks I'm sweet, kind and he knows I'm not an innocent.

Dan too, just recently he shagged me. He's got a great body, but that's not the only thing he has. We just click. It's unreal. He's like me. I'm more queeny, he's more straight, but by-gum, he's like my twin. This is one guy I'm not going to forget so easily.

I couldn't leave out Mr. DJ, Tim. I'm strapped for cash so I haven't seen him in a while. He's a sweet guy though. I'm attracted to him because he's older I think. He's got it all, house, job and that cheeky-ness.

I wonder if I envy those with settled lives? - I have no idea what I'm doing with mine. I don't want a man which makes everything complete. I just ditched my well paid job with great benefits. I'm going back to University, again.

What am I doing? - What the fuck am I doing?

Roaarrr!

What an almost-crappy trip to Derby!

Despite my little cold thing, I decided I was frickin' going to Derby on Monday. I had things to do, and people to see! I set off not only to find out my TomTom broke and wouldn't synchronise with my Sat Nav; but with much head banging and finger fighting, I got it to work!

I set off going down and my friend Darren rung me to tell me that I won't be having lunch with him and he won't be finished on an essay until 3pm. I continued my little travel and arrived at the University at about 12:30 and went straight to my interview thing with the Marketing Management course leader. Only, he wasn't there.. so I got the next best thing. A lady tutor who basically deals with the course too.

We had our little chat and I decided it was quite nice and what the lady said was that I would be doing a varied of things such as exhibitions, sales negotiation on camera and something else I forgot, heh. I left, got the application form and went to buy one of those lush raspberry, white chocolate flapjacks that I always buy like every day when I was at University and Dan rang. He was around the University for a lecture. We practically bumped into each other talking on our mobiles. We headed off to one of his tutorials and just chilled.

After all that was over and even in between, I met a few old buddies for a split second which was fun to do.

Darren called or text at about 2pm to say his house needed cleaning and won't be done until 4pm, so me and Dan decided to head off to the student bar. Blah, blah, blah timed pushed on and we went into town. I think we had lunch, I'm not sure. Anywho, we got back at it was after 5pm or something. He left to his and I left to find Darrens.

I finally get there after my phone is almost dying from too much usage! I'm greeted by a "hi" and an unappreciated hug. And it goes downhill from there really. I'll shorten all this bit down because I just don't have the patcience to write it all in detail.

Darren say's hi. We exchange a few words and we're left in silence. His house sucked and was filthy which I later found out after going out with him in the same place since the past year, no matter how much I tried to sway him to go somewhere else, like Zanzibar, no-no. I found a little pleasure in chatting to people around and eventually found myself stuck with Darren again who constantly kept saying "do I look fat?" "do you think I'm fat?" -- C'mon, if you're really my friend, you know I don't comment on that shit. I just don't agree with it all. Anywho, after the night, we left home and he was trying to get on me and was constantly asking to suck me off and whatever else. I just slept on his floor and ignored him. Getting to sleep at about 2am, I found myself wide awake at 5am full of cold and freezing. It was even colder than my Leeds place and that's just as bad. I couldn't stop sneezing when I pulled myself downstairs to watch some TV and eventually he awoke as well. Basically, I can't be bothered to write anymore, it still gets annoying and worse after he awoke. Darren's no longer considered as my friend anymore. Farewell journalist contact. Ya'know, there's only so much someone like me can take. Maybe if he dropped the nagging and constantly stopped tying to put himself down Id still have him as a journalist contact, but not anymore.

After that, I went to Dan's, we chilled and he took me to Centre Parks where they had this little village thingy and a fireworks display. It was so nice. The workers told me there was no bonfire toffee anywhere so I knew my nose would seek it out! After that I just chilled for a little while longer mainly watching Desperate Housewives with Dan. It's such a good show!

I left on Wednesday and headed back home. Now I'm just chilling before work starts again.

The good thing is I'm writing my application letter out today and I'll post it once I've got it proofread. To me, it sounds quite gooooood. Let's see what others think before I send something I can't retrieve!

Cold..

Fucking cold. How typical is that. As soon as I take a full week off work and want to do things in my life I get a fucking fully fledged cold. Mine are different; I struggle to breath and constantly have a headache.

Work's told me I can come into work and take a different week off if I'm not any better by tomorrow. I better be feeling better by tomorrow or my trip to Derby and to see some friends is going to be called off.

Whoever controls my life, is a bitch.

New month, new goals

1st November and it's time for some new goals. Really new goals.

I have an entire week off work starting on the 5th and throughout that week I'm heading to different Universities to talk with someone from the Business department to try and get myself into doing PR & Marketing. That's right. I'm off back to University sometime and it could be sometime soon. I've got my mind set, but my employer doesn't know yet. That's because it's not all official.

I can get into Derby university on their Business (Marketing) course which includes PR in the second year and this course starts in January, which can be a sandwich course too. I obviously would take the sandwich course to gain experience. So, on Monday, I'm heading down to Derby to have a little talk with someone just to see if it could be right for me. I don't like the fact you have to just throw yourself into a course and be expected to do great things when you don't really know what it consists off. PR & Marketing sounds awesome. I'm sure you've seen Samantha Jones in sex and the city and her life's all 'bigged up' -- but is it really like that?

On my little travel to Derby I thought I might as well see a few friends. One of which is offering me his lush floor for Monday so I can stay even longer!

I still have a few universities to see, but Derby might be my first bet as it starts in January.

Stuffed

I'm stuffed after a delicious three course meal celebrating my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately I cannot attend their blessing tomorrow, however, I've seen them. I forgot to take their card I bought for them with me so I'll send that another day.

I've had quite a good week too. At the start it was slow, mainly because of work and the fact I was not kept as busy as I normally am; but then it started to speed up and before I knew it I was contemplating going out on Thursday. One of those student nights, oh aye. I gave in to temptation and headed right off to town.

I met a few friends out there and a few new friends too. I headed to Mission knowing I was on a tight budget for booze that week. Happily partying and what I think was sluty dancing with QC's DJ and ended up snoging, he left to grab a quick drink and I ended up sluty dancing with someone random who ended up being quite cute and hot. My new catch kindly pointed out who was staring at me, at which my ego inflated and out came some more sexy moves. The DJ never returned and I don't blame him, I was getting comfortable being a slut with my new catch. Later snoging my catch a few times, we finally introduce and guess what? - His name is Dan. Dammit. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere. It's pushing 3am and I obviously had work in the morning. The snog didn't help Dan and he wanted me back at my place. Standing my ground I told him all he'll get is my number; and he ended up getting it.

Me being a garlic fanatic. Garlic bread and garlic sauce always go together, I always seem to end up having it when I go out before partying. I don't know why I just give in and eat. Well, anyway, my mom told me that the garlic smell doesn't come off so easily after brushing. It got me thinking.. I've pulled many guys after having garlic breath (obviously after brushing), so does the smell of garlic put people off, or am I really to irresistible to let go?

I think it's time I didn't brush after garlic and see what happens..

Sidetracked

Well, my parents have been fucked over by a couple who was going to buy there house. Big style. They're now in debt and real debt and will lose their house abroad on Tuesday. I didn't know until yesterday that they were going to lose it. I knew they got fucked over but I didn't realise that they would lose the house.

What's happened is they've put a £9,000 deposit on this house, which they would of moved into last month but for unknown circumstances, the selling agency kept stalling. My mom's really upset. However, thankfully, I might be able to step in and save the day. They have until this Tuesday before they lose the house and their deposit altogether, but I've offered to get a mortgage for them and pay for this house abroad. Hopefully they will of rang someone abroad to tell them the plan and what will happen. If they get a general 'yes' it can be done, then as quickly as possible I will fly abroad or whatever you do these days, sign, get the cash and exchange it into the sellers hands. I just hope the seller will hold on a little longer this time, because I'm a definite guarantee.

My mom's going right to her solicitor to ask what can be done. Obviously the stall they made is dodgy and the contracts (which would of made this process alot easier should the couple who were going to buy the house in England backed out) should of been exchanged along time ago.

Oh, PR, PR, PR! My new idea.

Slipped a little something

After finishing work a little earlier than possible, I found myself stuck in traffic on the motorway and it was at a stand-still. I've never been in stand-still traffic after work, ever. An ambulance whizzed passed and I knew there had been an accident. I was stood still for about 20 minutes before it got going at about 5mph. I was worried I wasn't going to be able to get out in time!

Finally, I got home and started to exercise and do all my normal routined stuff. I text a friend, Marnee, who has been living in Manchester and he was coming out tonight. Yay! The smelly and sweaty me, was forced to take a bath because the shower is broken. It's becoming a real annoyance that shower. Plumbers tomorrow! Oh, and that reminds me, a viewing. Hope this one takes my room. Grr.

Off I went to party. I hit Queen's Court first for a few drinks and started to mingle before heading to Mission for hardcore partying. Somehow in the time I spent at Mission, which was not very long, I started to hurl. Not once, not twice, not even three times. Four times I threw up. So.. yeah, I had a lot to drink. But I had a lot less than what I normally consume on any night out. After the fourth hurl, I knew something was wrong. Off home I went.

I think I was slipped something but I've no idea at what point in the night. Still recovering; my stomach hurts and I feel drained.

My weekends officially over.

Submerged

Saturday, Submerged, Mission, Leeds. I'll be there. Two of my friends won't because they refuse to do the theme night. I'm not going in any costume; just my sexy self. I'll be going on my bill though, but who gives a hoot. I'm the kind of person who goes out looking to natter and paRty!

I should be meeting a guy there actually. Well, not meeting as such, but he could be there. He seems nice, but has that thing about him where he turned into one of those guys who keep repeating that I'm hot and blah, blah. So I know what he wants and it's not a chat.

I'm supposed to finish at 1:23pm today because I've been doing a bit of overtime and we're on flexitime. I'm trying to get this project done as soon as possible so I can get done all the other little bits. Hopefully, I'll have half a day tomorrow off so I can catch up with a few friends or all the one's I have in my phone. Since they got wiped I was pretty mortified.

I'm still looking for a new car as well. Since I got this BMW, I don't like it. It's big, it's chunky, it's going to be my death. I twitch and the power steering takes over!

I'm ignoring Dan's text messages for some reason. I don't know what's up with me or why I'm doing it, but it just feels right to do so. It might be because I think of him as just another person, rather than my best friend. I remember not too long ago when we went to NG1 in Nottingham. I called him on the day probably about 3 hours before I arrived telling him I was going and he was. Well, it was my first time there at NG1 (after spending a year in Derby and leaving) and he practically left me to it. He knows I'm the kind of guy who's forward, out there and speaks my mind, but I was lost at that time. Sure, I started talking to people. I mean, what else was there to do? -- But leaving me on my first night practically alone while he went off somewhere and nattered to his friends was uncalled for. I know for a fact if I did that to him in Leeds, he wouldn't be nattering to people, he would be clung to my side; but that's probably the difference. I know he's not like me, and he knows what I'm like. Is there really any justification? If he would leave me, should I leave him?

There's a Halloween party that he invited me to on the text message. I don't really want to go, so for the time being I'll just leave it. I think it's about time I enjoyed my weekend.

A long lost friend

After a shocking company meeting today telling me how my bonus is going to change next year I got a little worried. We all have target's to meet even though I sell nothing. However, my target is affected by how well the sales team perform and we all rely on each other in a sense. I've currently been cracking on creating two websites for my boss. Well, three, but one's a variation of the other.

It's taken me a while to do them all and get them completed. Two of them are fully finished and the other which has already been launched is still being tested. The boss decided he wanted to pull my entire development because of multiple things he didn't like and a few glitches which all really was approved before the launch. That really riled me up and I was so stressed that day. Eventually after he finished deciding, he got the entire development team on the website and those glitches and unfinished parts were almost finished in one day. When I saw those tasks being crossed off the list, I felt a huge burden taken off my shoulders. It gets boring developing the same thing day-in-day-out. At times a developer needs a break. I have to plough on forward creating the next project set aside which has a deadline of Thursday. This time, if I need extra help, I'll get it.

So.. back to the point. I was on my break and called Darren, a good friend and previous boyfriend (you could say so) from my University life. Now, we were always good friends until one point we fell out over something really stupid. But that's in the past. I just did my normal checks to see if he was alright and to get upto-date with his life. He's kind of sweet in a way that he always thinks I ring him last or go to Derby to see others and not just him. Sure, I travel to Derby often, I have alot of friends that clash with each other so I keep them apart. Sometimes I wish he would just take my word for it. I'm not a 'mushy' person so I come across slightly aggressive and forward. Everyone knows it but if I was one of those 'mushy' people I sure would be in the good books of everyone which wouldn't help myself at all. Hopefully he'll get back to me so I can go see him. I haven't seen him in along time, it's waaay overdue.

He's a guy with alot of emotions though and that's why I like him. He's not trying to be something he's not. He's not hooked on having boyfriends 24/7 and likes to have fun. With Darren, I have no downers; only uppers.

54 days ago..

Ahh, calm and cool and not much stress today. As per my daily astro by e-mail, it told me to take a lazy day and that’s what’s been happening. I ended up doing small tasks and just generally chilling with the employees downstairs. It’s officially one hour until the 22^nd, which is my birthday and I really don’t care. I found out most of my “friends” wont be attending my party on Friday this week, partly because some have no money, some are on holiday and whatever other reason they could scrounge up. Whatever though. I booked a hotel in Manchester to stay over the weekend where I and Dan will party until we keel over and possibly die!

Speaking of which, it seems Dan might be a slight bit interested in me. I started yapping on about how I have plans to bed some guy, whether or not he’s in the room at the time and he got a little strange. I don’t know what word to place there so this is my language and it’s ‘strange’. So.. yeah.. Strange. He apparently won’t be shagging anyone and I have no idea why. Possibly because he thinks he’s got a chance with his ex-boyfriend, who knows?

I was just speaking to Joel and Tim though text and it seems Joel is a little calm this time. Except the use of the word ‘gorgeous’ when he first sent me the text. I think he’s coming on Friday but that’s still an uncertainty.

Tim on the other hand won’t be able to go because he’s at work. I will see him while he’s working though, so that’s not bad. He’s out on the razz at the moment and we were just texting each other. I’m horny and wanted him tonight. He’s out and I can’t have him. It ended up in a little sexy chat and then me saying I have to go to sleep, in which I called him ‘bud’ – something I do to all of my friends. He promptly replied with something like ‘Ok BUD. Night!’. I’m not sure if he took offence or weather the drink is doing something to him and he’s finally showing his true emoticons. Then again, I could be reading waaay too much into it all and completely missing the point. But that’s what body language experts do and it does look like that part would be the easy option out, eh?

So it’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m just going to be chilling with the family. I think we might be going for a meal, so I’ll take some nice clothes just in case we are. I get to spend a bit of time with them and chill out. Yay. That’s where I’ll probably end up saying how I hate my job and I really want a change and possibly if they’re lucky they’ll hear me yap on about how I want to move cities. That’s when they butt in with how it’s all about the money, money, money; but it really isn’t.

I don’t feel excited abut my 19^th birthday. The fact being it's nothing special and well most of my friends ain’t going to be here with me spending time. Not even Craig from Halifax who lives like 10 miles away. It’s really getting me down this ‘no friends’ shite. I still class Dan as my best friend to date. But I have a strange feeling something this weekend is going to change all that and I’m definitely not going to make any move. I hope im wrong though. I don’t really want to be another quick shag – there’s a point when you just need some good friends.

There’s also a point that on the weekend I’ll need a GOOD shag.

We're alike..

So I've been passing e-mails back and forth to one of my friends while at work. He told me he's created a blog and off I dashed to read it. The first post, on the 14th October was a lengthy read. It was filled with depression until the very end where he stated 'I'm happy to be single'. It got me thinking.. That we're actually quite alike. Sure, he's older, wiser and most probably experienced life more than myself, yet, he's like me.

He's been stuck in a town he doesn't like.
He's got to the stage where he's moved out.
He's got to the next stage where he's moved again.
He hates his job to the point his colleagues are the only things keeping him there.

The only thing that currently separates us from each other is the fact he opens up to other people and has been hurt because of that. I let no one in. No boyfriends for me and for that exact fact -- being hurt. Or is it? I'll never really know why I don't want a boyfriend. There's alot of things about having one that don't appeal to me and the obvious being sex with alot of people is not one of them. Strange, huh? I do get alot of shockers when I respond to people with "No, I'm single" and I guess they've every right. I'm not mingin', I'm down to earth and I'm real.

I definitely have trust issues. The only person who comes close to being trusted by me is my friend Dan. Friend? - It's a bit of an understatement; he's my best friend, but I don't think he knows it. I'm not one for big mushy moments so he'll never know either. I was chatting to him online one night telling him how much I trusted him (which in reality is not alot, but in my terms is alot) and he told me he held back tears. Who knew that was a mushy moment.

Even though I can say right now, I don't want one. I know 1000% I don't want to be alone when I'm older. Now whether that means friends will fulfill my life so I'm never alone or I actually really want a boyfriend deep down is yet to be seen.